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Effects Of Divorce And Mediation On Children


Marriage is considered as a show of love between two people who adore each other . Whether customary or religious , a marriage is recognised under law and is therefore a very important stage in life . One of the best blessings in a marriage relationship is children , whether biological or adopted . However , sometimes it doesn’t work out in a marriage setting and the partners may be forced to have a divorce . Although this is a painful process for the two , the children also suffer a lot . This article will effectively discuss the effects of divorce on children and how mediation may help them .


It has long been a pre-conceived idea that that whatever a parent feels is good for themselves is also good for a child , even a divorce per say . Recent studies have shown that children from divorced marriages show severe symptoms of emotional trauma . This is mainly attributed to the fact that they have an attitude that their parents , being the closest role models , should find a more subtle way to work things out .

For a young child , aged between 3-9 years , divorce creates a sense of instability and insecurity in their environment . Being in a stage of dependency , the child finds it very hard to come to terms with a divorce . They live in a fantasy world and wishful thinking that sees their mom and dad re-unite gain . Ultimately , the child may suffer from severe regression and eventually revert to a former way of operating .


The most notable characteristics in such children may include :

• Severe tantrums

• Whining

• Separation anxieties

• Bed-wetting

• Crying in bed

Adolescents however prefer a more aggressive approach to divorce . Since this year’s prompt a bid need for independence , they may show signs of rebellion , anger and a high disregard for family discipline since the parents failed as role models . They grow more distant , disconnected and defiant by the day as they try to cater for their own self-interests . The much grievance felt by the adolescent prompts them to generate a lot of anger .

More studies have also shown that children of divorce mostly carry some of these traits even into adulthood . There are substantial cases where they showed fear of loss , change , conflict and also large expectations of failure . These children also tend to view practices such as pre-marital sex and cohabitation more favourably , increasing the likelihood of more divorces and break-ups .


Mediation , in this case , can be described as the intervention or intercession in a relationship . Since the negative effects of divorce on children have been seen as diverse , mediation may play a pivotal role in preventing them .

Family mediators are specially trained to handle various family issues , including divorce . Since parents sometimes assume that their children are free to tell the anything , this may affect the children since they fear that whatever they may say may fuel up the situation making it worse , hence they keep to themselves . Family mediators would therefore step in such a situation to offer consolation and a listening ear to the distort child .

When the child agrees to a session , they are asked to bring long with them a personal item of significance to create the aura of a home setting . The item also helps the family mediator to easily break ice with the child . Just like therapy , the child is reassured of discretion and given the opportunity to decide whether a report should be given back to their parents .

The whole process is then explained to the child so that they feel safe and knowledgeable. After all that the family mediator starts a conversation with the child regarding their thoughts and feelings .

Family mediation have provided many positive results over the years . Firstly , it has given children in divorce a chance to effectively relay messages to their parents , which aids a lot in the emotional healing process . Amazingly , in other cases the children renewed contact with their parents after a feedback meeting , building stronger relationships .

The information obtained from family mediation also help parents in their final decision making processes . Since they better understand the matters at hand , they are able to decide on issues like where the children will live and also the visitation of extended relatives . Therefore family mediation institutions , such as The Kent Family Mediation have helped children in divorced relationships have a more positive outlook on life .