If you are at the point of separation, or you are currently separated or separated, mediation might assist you concentrate on the future.

Arrange a Call Back

The 4 Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No 2 marital relationships are the same, and so it just follows that no 2 divorces will be the same, either.

If you’re a woman who’s considering divorce, you have several choices about how to continue. In general terms, you need to think about four broad classifications of divorce options: Do-It-Yourself (DIY), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the benefits and drawbacks of every one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The best recommendations I can provide you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is really complicated, both lawfully and financially. You can quickly make errors, and often those errors are irreparable. The only situation I can imagine when a Do-It-Yourself divorce might make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marital relationship lasted only 2 or three years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, similar earnings and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Diy divorce could be achieved quite rapidly and inexpensively. I would still extremely suggest that each celebration have their own separate lawyer review the final files.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple works with a neutral conciliator who assists both parties come to an agreement on all elements of their divorce. Both celebrations still need to consult with their own, specific lawyers during the mediation and prior to signing the last divorce settlement agreement.

Here are a couple of advantages and disadvantages to consider before deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Lead to a much better long-lasting relationship with your ex-husband since you will not “battle” in court.
  • Be simpler on children considering that the divorce proceedings may be more serene.
  • Expedite an agreement.
  • Reduce expenses.
  • Help you remain in control of your divorce since you are making the decisions (and the court isn’t).
  • Allow for more discretion. Mediation is personal; prosecuted divorce is public.

However, on the “con” side, divorce mediation might also:

  • Lose time and cash. If negotiations stop working, you’ll need to start all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly beneficial to one spouse. If the mediator is unskilled or prejudiced towards your other half, the outcome could be unfavorable for you.
  • Result in an unenforceable arrangement. A mediation arrangement that’s uneven or poorly prepared can be challenged.
  • Result in legal complications. Any issue of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to uncover specific assets. Considering that all financial details is willingly revealed and there is no subpoena of records, your spouse might possibly conceal assets/income.
  • Enhance unhealthy habits patterns. If one spouse is dominating and the other is submissive, the final settlement may not be reasonable.
  • Fuel feelings. Mediation might increase unfavorable habits of a partner with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples frequently hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is apparently a much better, less contentious, less costly and more “dignified” method to get a divorce. My most significant issue with mediation is that the sole role and goal of the mediator is to get the celebrations to come to an agreement– any contract! Keep in mind, the mediator can not provide any suggestions. All they can do is attempt to get you to concur. Sadly, not all arrangements are excellent contracts, and in fact, oftentimes, no arrangement is better than a bad arrangement. Unless both celebrations can be fairly reasonable and amicable (and if they can be, why are they getting separated???), I think that mediation is usually not a feasible alternative for a lot of women.

Collective Divorce

Basically, collective divorce occurs when a couple accepts exercise a divorce settlement without litigating.

Throughout a collective divorce both you and your hubby will each employ a lawyer who has actually been trained in the collaborative divorce procedure. The role of the attorneys in a collective divorce is quite different than in a standard divorce.

In the collective procedure, you, your partner and your particular attorneys all should sign an arrangement that needs that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if lawsuits is threatened. If this happens, both you and your husband must begin all over again and find new lawyers. Neither celebration can utilize the same lawyers again!

Even if the collective process succeeds, you will typically have to appear in family court so a judge can sign the contract. But the legal process can be much quicker and less costly than traditional lawsuits if the collective procedure works.

Though, I have actually found that the collective method typically doesn’t work well to settle divorces involving complex financial circumstances or when there are considerable properties. In collaborative divorce, just as in mediation, all financial information (income, possessions and liabilities) is divulged willingly. What’s more, numerous high net worth divorces involve companies and expert practices where it is fairly easy to hide possessions and income.

… as a basic guideline, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT use any of these very first 3 choices– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You suspect your spouse is hiding assets/income.
  • Your other half is aggressive, and you have problem speaking up or you’re afraid to voice your viewpoints.
  • There is a history or danger of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your other half has a drug/alcohol dependency.

Litigated Divorce

The fourth divorce choice is the most typical. These days, most of separating couples choose the “traditional” design of litigated divorce.

Keep in mind, though, “litigated” does not imply the divorce winds up in court. In fact, the large majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement contract. “Lawsuits” is a legal term significance ‘performing a lawsuit.’

Why are lawsuits a part of divorce? Due to the fact that contrary to popular belief, divorce usually does not include 2 people mutually agreeing to end their marriage. In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral– one party desires the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, creates an adversarial scenario right from the start and often disqualifies mediation and collective divorce, given that both approaches count on the full cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary information.

Plainly, if you are beginning with an adversarial and highly mentally charged scenario, the chances are really high that cooperation or mediation might stop working. Why take the threat of going those paths when chances are they might fail, wasting your money and time?

The most crucial and most challenging parts of any divorce are concerning an arrangement on kid custody, department of properties and liabilities and alimony payments (how much and for the length of time). You want your lawyer to be an extremely experienced mediator, you do not desire someone who is overly combative, all set to battle over anything and everything. An overly controversial method will not just prolong the discomfort and substantially increase your legal costs, it will likewise be mentally destructive to everyone involved, particularly the kids.

Keep in mind: Most divorce lawyers (or at least the ones I would suggest) will always aim to come to a reasonable settlement with the other celebration. However if they can’t pertain to a reasonable settlement or if the other party is totally unreasonable then, unfortunately, going to court, or threatening to do so, might be the only method to resolve these issues.

Up until that point both lawyers were “negotiators,” trying to get the parties to jeopardize and come to some affordable resolution. As soon as in court, the function of each attorney modifications.

And do not forget, once you’re in court, it’s a judge who knows really little about you and your family that will make the final decisions about your kids, your residential or commercial property, your cash and how you live your life. That’s a huge danger for both parties to take– which’s likewise why the threat of going to court is usually such an excellent deterrent.

Here’s my last word of suggestions about divorce alternatives: Weigh divorce alternatives carefully. The bottom line is that every family, and every divorce, is different. Clearly, if you have the ability to work with your partner to make decisions and both of you are truthful and sensible, then mediation or the collaborative approach might be best. But, if you have doubts, it is excellent to be prepared with “Plan B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

Related Articles
Solent Family Mediation Important Links