If you are at the point of separation, or you are already separated or separated, mediation may help you focus on the future.

Arrange a Call Back

The Four Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No 2 marital relationships are the same, therefore it just follows that no 2 divorces will be the same, either.

If you’re a lady who’s considering divorce, you have numerous choices about how to proceed. In general terms, you need to consider 4 broad categories of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Lawsuits. Let’s have a look at the benefits and drawbacks of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best guidance I can provide you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is really complicated, both lawfully and economically. You can quickly make errors, and frequently those mistakes are permanent. The only scenario I can envision when a Do-It-Yourself divorce may make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marriage lasted only two or three years and there are no kids, little or no assets/debts to be divided, equivalent incomes and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Diy divorce could be achieved rather rapidly and inexpensively. However, I would still extremely suggest that each party have their own different attorney review the final documents.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple works with a neutral mediator who assists both parties come to a contract on all elements of their divorce. Both parties still need to seek advice from with their own, specific lawyers throughout the mediation and prior to signing the final divorce settlement arrangement.

Here are a couple of pros and cons to consider prior to deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Lead to a much better long-term relationship with your ex-husband since you will not “battle” in court.
  • Be simpler on kids since the divorce procedures may be more peaceful.
  • Accelerate a contract.
  • Reduce costs.
  • Assist you stay in control of your divorce since you are deciding (and the court isn’t).
  • Allow for more discretion. Mediation is personal; prosecuted divorce is public.

However, on the “con” side, divorce mediation may also:

  • Waste time and cash. If settlements fail, you’ll need to begin all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly favorable to one spouse. If the mediator is inexperienced or biased towards your hubby, the result could be unfavorable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable agreement. A mediation contract that’s lopsided or poorly prepared can be challenged.
  • Lead to legal problems. Any issue of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to discover particular assets. Because all financial info is voluntarily revealed and there is no subpoena of records, your partner could potentially hide assets/income.
  • Enhance unhealthy behavior patterns. If one spouse is dominating and the other is submissive, the last settlement may not be reasonable.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation might increase negative behavior of a spouse with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples typically hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is supposedly a much better, less controversial, less pricey and more “dignified” way to get a divorce. My most significant issue with mediation is that the sole role and objective of the conciliator is to get the parties to come to an agreement– any contract! Unless both celebrations can be fairly reasonable and friendly (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I think that mediation is usually not a viable alternative for most ladies.

Collective Divorce

Simply put, collective divorce takes place when a couple accepts work out a divorce settlement without litigating.

During a collective divorce both you and your husband will each work with an attorney who has been trained in the collaborative divorce process. The function of the lawyers in a collective divorce is quite different than in a standard divorce.

In the collective procedure, you, your other half and your respective lawyers all must sign an arrangement that needs that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if lawsuits is threatened. If this occurs, both you and your hubby must begin all over again and find new attorneys. Neither party can use the exact same attorneys once again!

Even if the collaborative process achieves success, you will typically need to appear in family court so a judge can sign the agreement. However the legal process can be much quicker and more economical than standard litigation if the collaborative process works.

Though, I have found that the collaborative method often doesn’t work well to settle divorces including complex monetary situations or when there are significant properties. In collective divorce, just as in mediation, all monetary info (income, possessions and liabilities) is revealed voluntarily. What’s more, numerous high net worth divorces involve organizations and professional practices where it is reasonably simple to hide properties and earnings.

So … as a basic rule, my suggestion is this:

Do NOT use any of these very first 3 choices– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You think your hubby is concealing assets/income.
  • Your partner is domineering, and you have trouble speaking up or you’re afraid to voice your opinions.
  • There is a history or risk of domestic violence (physical and/or mental) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your hubby has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The fourth divorce alternative is the most common. These days, the majority of divorcing couples select the “standard” design of litigated divorce.

Remember, however, “litigated” does not suggest the divorce winds up in court. The large majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement contract. “Litigation” is a legal term significance ‘performing a suit.’

In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral– one party desires the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, produces an adversarial circumstance right from the start and often disqualifies mediation and collective divorce, since both techniques rely on the full cooperation of both parties and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary info.

Plainly, if you are starting out with an adversarial and highly mentally charged circumstance, the chances are extremely high that cooperation or mediation may fail. Why take the risk of going those paths when chances are they might stop working, wasting your time and money?

The most essential and most challenging parts of any divorce are pertaining to an agreement on kid custody, department of possessions and liabilities and alimony payments (just how much and for how long). You desire your attorney to be a highly knowledgeable negotiator, you don’t want someone who is excessively combative, all set to battle over anything and whatever. An excessively contentious approach will not only prolong the pain and substantially increase your legal charges, it will also be emotionally destructive to everybody included, particularly the children.

Keep in mind: The majority of divorce lawyers (or a minimum of the ones I would recommend) will constantly strive to come to a reasonable settlement with the other celebration. However if they can’t come to a reasonable settlement or if the other party is totally unreasonable then, unfortunately, litigating, or threatening to do so, might be the only method to deal with these concerns.

Up up until that point both lawyers were “negotiators,” attempting to get the celebrations to compromise and come to some sensible resolution. Once in court, the function of each attorney changes.

And do not forget, when you remain in court, it’s a judge who knows extremely little about you and your family that will make the decisions about your children, your home, your money and how you live your life. That’s a huge risk for both parties to take– which’s likewise why the risk of going to court is generally such a good deterrent.

Here’s my last word of recommendations about divorce options: Weigh divorce options carefully. If you have doubts, it is great to be prepared with “Plan B” which would be the litigated divorce.

Related Articles
Solent Family Mediation Important Links