Solent Family Mediation assist families in conflict, specifically those divorcing or separating.

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The Four Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No 2 marriages are the same, therefore it just follows that no two divorces will be the same, either.

If you’re a lady who’s contemplating divorce, you have several choices about how to proceed. In general terms, you need to consider four broad categories of divorce options: Do-It-Yourself (DIY), Mediation, Collaborative and Lawsuits. Let’s have a look at the advantages and disadvantages of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The best recommendations I can provide you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is extremely complicated, both lawfully and economically. You can quickly make mistakes, and frequently those errors are irreparable. The only circumstance I can envision when a Diy divorce may make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marital relationship lasted just 2 or 3 years and there are no kids, little or no assets/debts to be divided, similar earnings and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce could be achieved rather rapidly and cheaply. Nevertheless, I would still extremely suggest that each celebration have their own different attorney review the final files.


In divorce mediation, a divorcing couple works with a neutral arbitrator who helps both parties come to an agreement on all aspects of their divorce. Both celebrations still need to seek advice from with their own, specific attorneys during the mediation and prior to signing the final divorce settlement arrangement.

Here are a couple of benefits and drawbacks to think about before deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Result in a much better long-lasting relationship with your ex-husband because you will not “combat” in court.
  • Be easier on kids since the divorce procedures may be more peaceful.
  • Accelerate a contract.
  • Reduce expenditures.
  • Assist you stay in control of your divorce since you are making the decisions (and the court isn’t).
  • Enable more discretion. Mediation is private; prosecuted divorce is public.

On the “con” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Waste time and cash. If settlements fail, you’ll require to begin all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly favorable to one partner. If the conciliator is unskilled or prejudiced towards your other half, the outcome could be unfavorable for you.
  • Result in an unenforceable arrangement. A mediation contract that’s uneven or inadequately drafted can be challenged.
  • Result in legal complications. Any concern of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to reveal certain possessions. Given that all financial information is willingly revealed and there is no subpoena of records, your husband could possibly conceal assets/income.
  • Enhance unhealthy behavior patterns. If one partner is controling and the other is submissive, the final settlement may not be fair.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation might increase unfavorable behavior of a partner with a propensity for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples often hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is reportedly a better, less controversial, less costly and more “dignified” method to get a divorce. My greatest problem with mediation is that the sole role and goal of the conciliator is to get the parties to come to an arrangement– any arrangement! Unless both celebrations can be fairly sensible and friendly (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I believe that mediation is usually not a viable choice for most women.

Collaborative Divorce

Simply put, collective divorce happens when a couple agrees to exercise a divorce settlement without going to court.

During a collaborative divorce both you and your partner will each hire an attorney who has been trained in the collective divorce process. The role of the lawyers in a collaborative divorce is rather different than in a conventional divorce.

In the collaborative process, you, your other half and your particular attorneys all should sign a contract that requires that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if lawsuits is threatened. If this takes place, both you and your partner need to begin all over again and discover brand-new lawyers. Neither party can utilize the exact same lawyers once again!

Even if the collective process is successful, you will usually need to appear in family court so a judge can sign the agreement. But the legal process can be much quicker and less expensive than traditional litigation if the collective procedure works.

Though, I have discovered that the collective technique often doesn’t work well to settle divorces involving complicated monetary scenarios or when there are considerable properties. In collective divorce, just as in mediation, all monetary information (income, possessions and liabilities) is divulged voluntarily. Often the hubby manages the “bag strings,” and the wife is normally unaware of the details of their financial circumstance. When this sort of inequality exists, the door is frequently wide open for the husband to conceal possessions. What’s more, lots of high net worth divorces involve businesses and professional practices where it is relatively easy to conceal possessions and earnings. In addition, the concern of valuation can be quite controversial.

… as a general guideline, my suggestion is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these very first three alternatives– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You presume your partner is hiding assets/income.
  • Your spouse is domineering, and you have difficulty speaking up or you hesitate to voice your viewpoints.
  • There is a history or threat of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your kids.
  • You or your husband has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The fourth divorce option is the most typical. These days, most of divorcing couples choose the “traditional” model of prosecuted divorce.

Remember, though, “prosecuted” does not suggest the divorce winds up in court. The vast majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement arrangement. “Litigation” is a legal term meaning ‘performing a lawsuit.’

Why are suits a part of divorce? Since contrary to common belief, divorce typically does not include two individuals mutually agreeing to end their marriage. In 80 percent of cases, the choice to divorce is unilateral– one party wants the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, produces an adversarial circumstance right from the start and often disqualifies mediation and collective divorce, considering that both approaches count on the complete cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary info.

Plainly, if you are beginning with an adversarial and extremely mentally charged situation, the opportunities are extremely high that partnership or mediation might fail. Why take the threat of going those routes when odds are they might stop working, squandering your money and time?

The most important and most challenging parts of any divorce are concerning a contract on kid custody, department of properties and liabilities and spousal support payments (how much and for how long). Although you want your lawyer to be a highly knowledgeable arbitrator, you do not want somebody who is extremely combative, ready to fight over anything and everything. An extremely controversial approach will not only extend the discomfort and considerably increase your legal costs, it will also be mentally harmful to everybody involved, particularly the children.

Remember: Many divorce attorneys (or a minimum of the ones I would recommend) will constantly strive to come to an affordable settlement with the other celebration. If they can’t come to a sensible settlement or if the other party is completely unreasonable then, regrettably, going to court, or threatening to do so, might be the only method to fix these issues.

If you have tried everything else, and you do end up in court, things can get actually nasty and hostile. Up until that point both attorneys were “arbitrators,” trying to get the celebrations to compromise and pertain to some affordable resolution. As soon as in court, the role of each lawyer modifications. Negotiations and compromise relocate to the back burner. Their brand-new job is to “win” and get the very best possible result for their customer.

And do not forget, as soon as you’re in court, it’s a judge who understands very little about you and your family that will make the final decisions about your children, your property, your cash and how you live your life. That’s a huge danger for both celebrations to take– which’s also why the threat of going to court is typically such a great deterrent.

Here’s my last word of recommendations about divorce options: Weigh divorce choices carefully. The bottom line is that every family, and every divorce, is different. Clearly, if you have the ability to work with your other half to make decisions and both of you are honest and affordable, then mediation or the collaborative technique may be best. If you have doubts, it is good to be prepared with “Strategy B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

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