If you are at the point of separation, or you are already separated or divorced, mediation may help you focus on the future.

Arrange a Call Back

The 4 Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No two marital relationships are the same, and so it just follows that no two divorces will be the same, either.

If you’re a lady who’s contemplating divorce, you have a number of options about how to continue. In general terms, you require to think about four broad classifications of divorce options: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the advantages and disadvantages of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The best guidance I can offer you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is extremely made complex, both lawfully and economically. You can easily make errors, and often those mistakes are permanent. The only circumstance I can imagine when a Do-It-Yourself divorce might make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marriage lasted only 2 or 3 years and there are no kids, little or no assets/debts to be divided, comparable incomes and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Diy divorce could be accomplished rather rapidly and inexpensively. I would still highly advise that each celebration have their own separate lawyer review the final documents.


In divorce mediation, a divorcing couple works with a neutral mediator who assists both celebrations come to an agreement on all aspects of their divorce. Both celebrations still need to consult with their own, private lawyers throughout the mediation and prior to signing the final divorce settlement agreement.

Here are a few benefits and drawbacks to consider prior to deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Result in a much better long-term relationship with your ex-husband because you will not “fight” in court.
  • Be easier on kids considering that the divorce procedures may be more serene.
  • Expedite an arrangement.
  • Reduce costs.
  • Help you remain in control of your divorce due to the fact that you are making the decisions (and the court isn’t).
  • Permit more discretion. Mediation is private; litigated divorce is public.

On the “con” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Lose time and cash. If settlements fail, you’ll need to begin all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly beneficial to one partner. If the mediator is inexperienced or prejudiced towards your other half, the result could be unfavorable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable agreement. A mediation agreement that’s uneven or improperly drafted can be challenged.
  • Lead to legal complications. Any concern of law will still require to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to discover certain possessions. Because all financial info is voluntarily divulged and there is no subpoena of records, your other half might possibly conceal assets/income.
  • Strengthen unhealthy habits patterns. If one partner is controling and the other is submissive, the last settlement may not be reasonable.
  • Fuel feelings. Mediation could increase negative behavior of a spouse with a propensity for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples typically hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is supposedly a much better, less contentious, less pricey and more “dignified” method to get a divorce. My biggest issue with mediation is that the sole function and goal of the conciliator is to get the celebrations to come to an agreement– any arrangement! Unless both celebrations can be relatively sensible and friendly (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I think that mediation is typically not a viable choice for most women.

Collective Divorce

Put simply, collective divorce happens when a couple consents to work out a divorce settlement without going to court.

Throughout a collective divorce both you and your partner will each hire a lawyer who has been trained in the collective divorce procedure. The role of the attorneys in a collective divorce is quite different than in a traditional divorce. Each attorney recommends and assists their client in negotiating a settlement arrangement. You will meet with your attorney independently and you and your lawyer will likewise consult with your spouse and his lawyer. The collective procedure may likewise include other neutral experts such as a divorce financial organizer who will help both of you overcome your financial issues and a coach or therapist who can help direct both of you through kid custody and other emotionally charged problems.

In the collaborative procedure, you, your partner and your respective lawyers all should sign an agreement that requires that both attorneys withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if lawsuits is threatened. If this happens, both you and your spouse need to begin all over once again and discover new attorneys. Neither party can use the same attorneys once again!

Even if the collective process succeeds, you will generally have to appear in family court so a judge can sign the arrangement. However the legal process can be much quicker and less expensive than standard litigation if the collective process works.

However, I have discovered that the collaborative approach typically doesn’t work well to settle divorces involving complicated financial circumstances or when there are significant assets. In collective divorce, just as in mediation, all financial info (income, assets and liabilities) is revealed willingly. Often the other half controls the “purse strings,” and the wife is typically uninformed of the information of their financial scenario. When this kind of inequality exists, the door is often wide open for the husband to conceal possessions. What’s more, many high net worth divorces include organizations and expert practices where it is reasonably simple to conceal properties and earnings. In addition, the concern of assessment can be quite contentious.

So … as a basic guideline, my recommendation is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these very first three alternatives– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You suspect your partner is concealing assets/income.
  • Your other half is aggressive, and you have problem speaking out or you hesitate to voice your viewpoints.
  • There is a history or danger of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your hubby has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The fourth divorce option is the most typical. These days, most of divorcing couples select the “conventional” model of litigated divorce.

Keep in mind, though, “prosecuted” does not suggest the divorce ends up in court. The large bulk of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement arrangement. “Litigation” is a legal term significance ‘carrying out a claim.’

Why are lawsuits a part of divorce? Because contrary to common belief, divorce typically does not involve two individuals equally agreeing to end their marital relationship. In 80 percent of cases, the choice to divorce is unilateral– one celebration desires the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, creates an adversarial scenario right from the start and often disqualifies mediation and collaborative divorce, considering that both methods count on the full cooperation of both celebrations and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary details.

Plainly, if you are beginning with an adversarial and extremely emotionally charged scenario, the chances are really high that collaboration or mediation may fail. Why take the risk of going those routes when chances are they might fail, losing your money and time?

The most essential and most challenging parts of any divorce are coming to an arrangement on kid custody, department of possessions and liabilities and spousal support payments (just how much and for for how long). You want your attorney to be a highly knowledgeable mediator, you don’t want somebody who is overly combative, all set to combat over anything and whatever. An overly contentious approach will not only prolong the pain and substantially increase your legal charges, it will likewise be mentally detrimental to everybody included, specifically the kids.

Remember: A lot of divorce lawyers (or a minimum of the ones I would recommend) will always strive to come to a reasonable settlement with the other party. However if they can’t come to an affordable settlement or if the other party is entirely unreasonable then, unfortunately, litigating, or threatening to do so, might be the only way to fix these issues.

If you have actually tried whatever else, and you do end up in court, things can get actually nasty and hostile. Up up until that point both attorneys were “arbitrators,” trying to get the celebrations to jeopardize and concern some affordable resolution. But once in court, the role of each lawyer changes. Negotiations and compromise relocate to the back burner. Their new task is to “win” and get the very best possible outcome for their client.

And don’t forget, when you remain in court, it’s a judge who understands very little about you and your family that will make the decisions about your children, your residential or commercial property, your money and how you live your life. That’s a huge danger for both parties to take– which’s also why the risk of going to court is typically such a great deterrent.

Here’s my last word of advice about divorce options: Weigh divorce options thoroughly. If you have doubts, it is great to be ready with “Strategy B” which would be the litigated divorce.

Related Articles
Solent Family Mediation Important Links