Solent Family Mediation help households in conflict, especially those separating or separating.

Our family mediation service is quicker and more cost-efficient than heading to court. It lowers dispute, and your family stays in control of plans over children, residential or commercial property and finance.

We work right across England and Wales and our family mediation service has over thirty years’ experience offering specialist, expert family mediation services.

The 4 Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No two marriages are the same, and so it just follows that no 2 divorces will be the same, either.

If you’re a woman who’s considering divorce, you have several alternatives about how to continue. In general terms, you need to think about 4 broad categories of divorce options: Do-It-Yourself (DIY), Mediation, Collaborative and Lawsuits. Let’s take a look at the benefits and drawbacks of every one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best advice I can give you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is extremely complicated, both legally and economically. You can quickly make errors, and often those mistakes are irreparable. The only situation I can visualize when a Diy divorce may make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marriage lasted just two or three years and there are no kids, little or no assets/debts to be divided, equivalent earnings and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce could be achieved rather rapidly and inexpensively. I would still extremely advise that each celebration have their own separate attorney review the last files.


In divorce mediation, a divorcing couple works with a neutral conciliator who helps both parties pertain to an arrangement on all aspects of their divorce. The mediator may or may not be a legal representative, but he/she needs to be incredibly fluent in divorce and family law. In addition, it is vital for the conciliator to be neutral and not advocate for either celebration. Both celebrations still need to consult with their own, individual lawyers throughout the mediation and prior to signing the final divorce settlement agreement.

Here are a couple of pros and cons to consider prior to deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Result in a better long-term relationship with your ex-husband considering that you will not “battle” in court.
  • Be simpler on children since the divorce proceedings may be more serene.
  • Accelerate an agreement.
  • Reduce expenses.
  • Help you stay in control of your divorce due to the fact that you are deciding (and the court isn’t).
  • Enable more discretion. Mediation is personal; prosecuted divorce is public.

Nevertheless, on the “con” side, divorce mediation may also:

  • Lose time and cash. If settlements stop working, you’ll need to start all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly beneficial to one spouse. If the conciliator is unskilled or prejudiced towards your spouse, the outcome could be unfavorable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable contract. A mediation contract that’s lopsided or inadequately prepared can be challenged.
  • Lead to legal problems. Any concern of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to discover specific possessions. Given that all financial details is willingly divulged and there is no subpoena of records, your partner could potentially conceal assets/income.
  • Reinforce unhealthy habits patterns. If one partner is dominating and the other is submissive, the final settlement might not be reasonable.
  • Fuel feelings. Mediation could increase unfavorable habits of a partner with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples often hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is supposedly a better, less controversial, less costly and more “dignified” method to get a divorce. Nevertheless, my biggest issue with mediation is that the sole function and goal of the arbitrator is to get the celebrations to come to an agreement– any arrangement! Remember, the mediator can not give any recommendations. All they can do is try to get you to agree. Not all agreements are good arrangements, and in fact, in lots of cases, no contract is better than a bad contract. So unless both celebrations can be fairly sensible and amicable (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I think that mediation is usually not a viable choice for a lot of females.

Collaborative Divorce

Put simply, collaborative divorce occurs when a couple agrees to exercise a divorce settlement without going to court.

Throughout a collective divorce both you and your other half will each employ a lawyer who has actually been trained in the collaborative divorce procedure. The role of the lawyers in a collective divorce is rather different than in a traditional divorce.

In the collective process, you, your husband and your respective lawyers all must sign an agreement that requires that both attorneys withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if lawsuits is threatened. If this takes place, both you and your spouse need to start all over once again and discover brand-new lawyers. Neither celebration can use the same attorneys once again!

Even if the collaborative process is successful, you will typically need to appear in family court so a judge can sign the contract. The legal procedure can be much quicker and less expensive than conventional litigation if the collaborative procedure works.

However, I have discovered that the collaborative method often doesn’t work well to settle divorces involving complicated financial situations or when there are considerable assets. In collective divorce, just as in mediation, all monetary details (earnings, possessions and liabilities) is revealed voluntarily. Typically the hubby controls the “purse strings,” and the partner is typically uninformed of the details of their financial situation. When this kind of inequality exists, the door is often wide open for the hubby to conceal properties. What’s more, many high net worth divorces include services and professional practices where it is reasonably simple to hide properties and income. Additionally, the problem of valuation can be rather contentious.

… as a general guideline, my suggestion is this:

Do NOT use any of these very first 3 choices– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You suspect your husband is hiding assets/income.
  • Your partner is prideful, and you have difficulty speaking out or you’re afraid to voice your viewpoints.
  • There is a history or risk of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your husband has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The fourth divorce option is the most common. These days, the majority of separating couples choose the “conventional” design of litigated divorce.

Bear in mind, however, “prosecuted” does not indicate the divorce ends up in court. In fact, the large majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement arrangement. “Litigation” is a legal term meaning ‘performing a claim.’

Why are lawsuits a part of divorce? Because contrary to common belief, divorce generally does not involve 2 people equally consenting to end their marital relationship. In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral– one celebration wants the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, produces an adversarial situation right from the start and typically disqualifies mediation and collective divorce, since both techniques count on the full cooperation of both parties and the voluntary disclosure of all financial details.

Plainly, if you are beginning with an adversarial and extremely mentally charged situation, the possibilities are very high that partnership or mediation might stop working. Why take the threat of going those routes when chances are they might stop working, losing your money and time?

The most crucial and most tough parts of any divorce are coming to an agreement on kid custody, division of properties and liabilities and spousal support payments (just how much and for the length of time). You desire your lawyer to be an extremely competent arbitrator, you don’t want someone who is extremely combative, ready to combat over anything and whatever. An overly controversial technique will not just extend the discomfort and significantly increase your legal charges, it will also be mentally damaging to everyone involved, particularly the kids.

Remember: Many divorce lawyers (or a minimum of the ones I would recommend) will always aim to come to an affordable settlement with the other party. However if they can’t pertain to a reasonable settlement or if the other party is totally unreasonable then, unfortunately, going to court, or threatening to do so, might be the only way to resolve these concerns.

If you have attempted everything else, and you do wind up in court, things can get really nasty and hostile. Up up until that point both lawyers were “mediators,” trying to get the celebrations to jeopardize and pertain to some reasonable resolution. When in court, the function of each attorney changes. Negotiations and compromise transfer to the back burner. Their brand-new task is to “win” and get the best possible outcome for their client.

And don’t forget, as soon as you remain in court, it’s a judge who understands very little about you and your family that will make the final decisions about your children, your residential or commercial property, your cash and how you live your life. That’s a very big risk for both celebrations to take– which’s likewise why the danger of going to court is typically such a great deterrent.

Here’s my last word of guidance about divorce options: Weigh divorce options thoroughly. If you have doubts, it is excellent to be ready with “Plan B” which would be the litigated divorce.

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