Solent Family Mediation assist households in conflict, especially those separating or separating.

Our family mediation service is quicker and more cost-effective than heading to court. It minimizes conflict, and your household remains in control of arrangements over kids, home and financing.

We work right across England and Wales and our family mediation service has over thirty years’ experience offering professional, expert family mediation services.

The Four Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No two marital relationships are the same, and so it only follows that no two divorces will be the same, either.

In fact, if you’re a female who’s considering divorce, you have numerous alternatives about how to proceed. In general terms, you require to consider four broad categories of divorce options: Do-It-Yourself (DIY), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the pros and cons of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best suggestions I can provide you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

Divorce is really made complex, both lawfully and financially. You can quickly make errors, and frequently those mistakes are irreversible. The only circumstance I can picture when a Do-It-Yourself divorce may make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marital relationship lasted only 2 or 3 years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, equivalent incomes and no alimony. In a case like that, a Diy divorce could be achieved quite quickly and cheaply. I would still highly advise that each celebration have their own different attorney review the last documents.


In divorce mediation, a divorcing couple deals with a neutral conciliator who assists both parties come to an arrangement on all elements of their divorce. The mediator might or might not be an attorney, however he/she should be extremely skilled in divorce and family law. In addition, it is vital for the conciliator to be neutral and not advocate for either celebration. Both parties still need to seek advice from their own, specific attorneys during the mediation and prior to signing the final divorce settlement agreement.

Here are a few pros and cons to think about prior to choosing if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Result in a better long-term relationship with your ex-husband considering that you will not “combat” in court.
  • Be simpler on kids because the divorce proceedings might be more serene.
  • Speed up a contract.
  • Reduce costs.
  • Help you stay in control of your divorce since you are making the decisions (and the court isn’t).
  • Allow for more discretion. Mediation is personal; prosecuted divorce is public.

Nevertheless, on the “con” side, divorce mediation might also:

  • Waste time and cash. If negotiations stop working, you’ll need to begin all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly favorable to one partner. If the conciliator is inexperienced or prejudiced towards your hubby, the result could be undesirable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable arrangement. A mediation agreement that’s uneven or badly drafted can be challenged.
  • Result in legal complications. Any concern of law will still require to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to uncover particular properties. Considering that all financial information is willingly revealed and there is no subpoena of records, your hubby could potentially conceal assets/income.
  • Reinforce unhealthy habits patterns. If one partner is dominating and the other is submissive, the last settlement might not be reasonable.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation might increase negative habits of a spouse with a tendency for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples frequently become aware of the wonders of mediation and how it is apparently a better, less contentious, cheaper and more “dignified” way to get a divorce. My most significant issue with mediation is that the sole role and objective of the mediator is to get the parties to come to a contract– any agreement! Keep in mind, the arbitrator can not offer any suggestions. All they can do is try to get you to agree. Sadly, not all contracts are great contracts, and in fact, in many cases, no agreement is much better than a bad arrangement. So unless both parties can be relatively sensible and friendly (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I believe that mediation is normally not a viable option for most women.

Collaborative Divorce

Basically, collaborative divorce takes place when a couple accepts exercise a divorce settlement without going to court.

During a collaborative divorce both you and your partner will each employ a lawyer who has actually been trained in the collective divorce procedure. The function of the attorneys in a collaborative divorce is quite various than in a standard divorce.

In the collaborative procedure, you, your partner and your particular lawyers all must sign an arrangement that needs that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if lawsuits is threatened. If this occurs, both you and your hubby need to start all over again and find brand-new lawyers. Neither celebration can use the same attorneys again!

Even if the collective procedure achieves success, you will usually need to appear in family court so a judge can sign the contract. The legal procedure can be much quicker and less costly than conventional litigation if the collaborative procedure works.

Unfortunately, though, I have actually discovered that the collective approach often does not work well to settle divorces including complex monetary scenarios or when there are significant properties. In collective divorce, just as in mediation, all financial info (income, properties and liabilities) is divulged voluntarily. Often the partner controls the “purse strings,” and the better half is typically unaware of the details of their financial circumstance. When this type of inequality exists, the door is frequently wide open for the hubby to hide properties. What’s more, lots of high net worth divorces include companies and professional practices where it is relatively easy to conceal properties and income. Additionally, the problem of valuation can be rather controversial.

… as a basic rule, my suggestion is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these very first three options– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You think your hubby is concealing assets/income.
  • Your spouse is aggressive, and you have problem speaking out or you hesitate to voice your viewpoints.
  • There is a history or danger of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your spouse has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The fourth divorce option is the most common. Nowadays, the majority of divorcing couples select the “traditional” model of litigated divorce.

Bear in mind, though, “prosecuted” does not suggest the divorce ends up in court. The vast majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement agreement. “Lawsuits” is a legal term meaning ‘performing a lawsuit.’

In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral– one celebration desires the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, creates an adversarial situation right from the start and frequently disqualifies mediation and collaborative divorce, because both techniques rely on the full cooperation of both parties and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary information.

Clearly, if you are starting with an adversarial and highly emotionally charged circumstance, the possibilities are very high that cooperation or mediation might stop working. Why take the risk of going those paths when chances are they might stop working, squandering your money and time?

The most crucial and most difficult parts of any divorce are concerning an arrangement on kid custody, department of possessions and liabilities and spousal support payments (just how much and for the length of time). Although you want your attorney to be an extremely knowledgeable mediator, you don’t want someone who is overly combative, ready to fight over anything and everything. An excessively controversial approach will not just extend the pain and considerably increase your legal costs, it will also be emotionally destructive to everybody included, especially the kids.

Remember: Many divorce lawyers (or at least the ones I would recommend) will always strive to come to a sensible settlement with the other celebration. However if they can’t come to an affordable settlement or if the other celebration is totally unreasonable then, sadly, going to court, or threatening to do so, might be the only way to deal with these problems.

Up till that point both attorneys were “negotiators,” attempting to get the celebrations to jeopardize and come to some reasonable resolution. When in court, the role of each attorney changes.

And do not forget, once you remain in court, it’s a judge who understands very little about you and your family that will make the final decisions about your kids, your home, your cash and how you live your life. That’s a huge risk for both parties to take– which’s also why the risk of litigating is typically such a great deterrent.

Here’s my last word of guidance about divorce alternatives: Weigh divorce options thoroughly. If you have doubts, it is excellent to be prepared with “Strategy B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

Related Articles
Solent Family Mediation Important Links