Solent Family Mediation assist households in conflict, especially those divorcing or separating. Whatever the issues, our proficiency will assist you settle them

The 4 Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No two marital relationships are the same, and so it only follows that no two divorces will be the same, either.

In fact, if you’re a lady who’s considering divorce, you have several choices about how to proceed. In general terms, you need to think about four broad categories of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (Do It Yourself), Mediation, Collaborative and Lawsuits. Let’s take a look at the pros and cons of each one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best suggestions I can provide you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

The only circumstance I can imagine when a Diy divorce might make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marriage lasted only 2 or three years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, equivalent incomes and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Do-It-Yourself divorce could be achieved rather rapidly and cheaply.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple works with a neutral conciliator who assists both parties come to an arrangement on all aspects of their divorce. Both parties still require to seek advice from with their own, individual lawyers throughout the mediation and prior to signing the final divorce settlement arrangement.

Here are a couple of benefits and drawbacks to think about prior to deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Result in a better long-lasting relationship with your ex-husband because you will not “combat” in court.
  • Be simpler on kids since the divorce procedures may be more serene.
  • Expedite an agreement.
  • Reduce expenditures.
  • Help you stay in control of your divorce because you are making the decisions (and the court isn’t).
  • Allow for more discretion. Mediation is private; litigated divorce is public.

However, on the “con” side, divorce mediation might also:

  • Lose time and cash. If settlements fail, you’ll need to begin all over.
  • Be insufficient or unduly favorable to one partner. If the conciliator is inexperienced or biased towards your husband, the outcome could be unfavorable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable agreement. A mediation arrangement that’s uneven or poorly prepared can be challenged.
  • Result in legal complications. Any concern of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to reveal certain properties. Given that all financial information is willingly disclosed and there is no subpoena of records, your husband could possibly hide assets/income.
  • Reinforce unhealthy behavior patterns. If one partner is controling and the other is submissive, the last settlement might not be fair.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation could increase negative habits of a spouse with a propensity for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples often hear about the wonders of mediation and how it is apparently a much better, less contentious, less costly and more “dignified” way to get a divorce. My biggest problem with mediation is that the sole role and goal of the mediator is to get the celebrations to come to an agreement– any agreement! Remember, the mediator can not provide any suggestions. All they can do is try to get you to concur. Not all contracts are great agreements, and in reality, in numerous cases, no contract is better than a bad arrangement. Unless both parties can be fairly sensible and friendly (and if they can be, why are they getting separated???), I think that mediation is normally not a feasible alternative for a lot of women.

Collaborative Divorce

Simply put, collective divorce occurs when a couple consents to work out a divorce settlement without litigating.

Throughout a collaborative divorce both you and your partner will each hire an attorney who has actually been trained in the collective divorce procedure. The function of the attorneys in a collective divorce is quite different than in a standard divorce. Each lawyer encourages and helps their customer in negotiating a settlement arrangement. You will meet with your attorney separately and you and your attorney will also meet your husband and his lawyer. The collaborative process might also include other neutral professionals such as a divorce monetary coordinator who will assist both of you overcome your financial concerns and a coach or therapist who can assist assist both of you through child custody and other mentally charged problems.

In the collaborative procedure, you, your spouse and your respective attorneys all should sign a contract that requires that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this takes place, both you and your hubby must begin all over once again and find new attorneys. Neither party can use the same lawyers again!

Even if the collaborative process is successful, you will usually need to appear in family court so a judge can sign the agreement. The legal procedure can be much quicker and less costly than conventional litigation if the collective process works.

Unfortunately, however, I have discovered that the collaborative method typically does not work well to settle divorces including complex financial situations or when there are substantial possessions. In collaborative divorce, just as in mediation, all monetary info (income, possessions and liabilities) is divulged voluntarily. Often the hubby controls the “purse strings,” and the wife is typically unaware of the information of their financial situation. When this kind of inequality exists, the door is typically wide open for the partner to conceal properties. What’s more, many high net worth divorces involve companies and professional practices where it is relatively simple to hide assets and earnings. In addition, the issue of evaluation can be quite contentious.

So … as a basic rule, my suggestion is this:

Do NOT utilize any of these first 3 choices– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You believe your spouse is concealing assets/income.
  • Your hubby is domineering, and you have problem speaking out or you’re afraid to voice your viewpoints.
  • There is a history or hazard of domestic violence (physical and/or mental) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your husband has a drug/alcohol addiction.

Litigated Divorce

The 4th divorce alternative is the most typical. Nowadays, most of divorcing couples choose the “standard” design of litigated divorce.

Remember, however, “litigated” does not mean the divorce ends up in court. In fact, the vast majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement agreement. “Litigation” is a legal term significance ‘performing a claim.’

Why are suits a part of divorce? Since contrary to common belief, divorce generally does not include two people mutually accepting end their marital relationship. In 80 percent of cases, the decision to divorce is unilateral– one celebration wants the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, produces an adversarial scenario right from the start and frequently disqualifies mediation and collective divorce, since both techniques depend on the complete cooperation of both parties and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary information.

Plainly, if you are starting with an adversarial and highly mentally charged circumstance, the opportunities are very high that collaboration or mediation might stop working. Why take the danger of going those paths when odds are they might fail, squandering your time and money?

The most crucial and most difficult parts of any divorce are concerning an arrangement on kid custody, department of possessions and liabilities and alimony payments (just how much and for the length of time). You want your attorney to be an extremely skilled arbitrator, you don’t desire someone who is overly combative, all set to fight over anything and everything. An extremely controversial approach will not only lengthen the pain and substantially increase your legal fees, it will likewise be emotionally damaging to everyone involved, specifically the children.

Remember: Most divorce lawyers (or a minimum of the ones I would advise) will constantly strive to come to an affordable settlement with the other celebration. If they can’t come to an affordable settlement or if the other celebration is totally unreasonable then, regrettably, going to court, or threatening to do so, might be the only way to deal with these problems.

If you have actually attempted everything else, and you do wind up in court, things can get really nasty and hostile. Up until that point both lawyers were “negotiators,” trying to get the celebrations to compromise and come to some affordable resolution. When in court, the function of each lawyer changes. Settlements and compromise relocate to the back burner. Their new task is to “win” and get the very best possible result for their client.

And do not forget, when you’re in court, it’s a judge who knows extremely little about you and your family that will make the decisions about your kids, your home, your money and how you live your life. That’s a huge risk for both celebrations to take– and that’s likewise why the risk of litigating is typically such an excellent deterrent.

Here’s my last word of suggestions about divorce alternatives: Weigh divorce choices thoroughly. If you have doubts, it is good to be prepared with “Plan B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

Related Articles
Solent Family Mediation Important Links