Solent Family Mediation help families in conflict, particularly those divorcing or separating.

Our family mediation service is quicker and more cost-efficient than heading to court. It reduces conflict, and your household stays in control of plans over children, residential or commercial property and finance.

We work right across England and Wales and our family mediation service has over 30 years’ experience supplying professional, professional family mediation services.

The Four Divorce Alternatives

Divorce mediation

No two marital relationships are the same, therefore it just follows that no 2 divorces will be the same, either.

In fact, if you’re a lady who’s contemplating divorce, you have numerous alternatives about how to proceed. In general terms, you require to think about four broad categories of divorce alternatives: Do-It-Yourself (DIY), Mediation, Collaborative and Litigation. Let’s take a look at the advantages and disadvantages of every one.

Do-It-Yourself Divorce

The very best advice I can give you about Do-It-Yourself Divorce, is DON’T Do-It-Yourself!

The only scenario I can visualize when a Diy divorce may make any possible sense, might be in a case where the marriage lasted just two or 3 years and there are no children, little or no assets/debts to be divided, similar earnings and no spousal support. In a case like that, a Diy divorce might be achieved quite rapidly and cheaply.


In divorce mediation, a separating couple works with a neutral mediator who assists both parties come to an agreement on all aspects of their divorce. Both celebrations still need to seek advice from with their own, individual attorneys during the mediation and prior to signing the final divorce settlement arrangement.

Here are a few benefits and drawbacks to think about before deciding if mediation will work for you.

On the “professional” side, divorce mediation may:

  • Lead to a better long-lasting relationship with your ex-husband since you will not “battle” in court.
  • Be easier on children because the divorce procedures might be more peaceful.
  • Accelerate an agreement.
  • Reduce costs.
  • Help you stay in control of your divorce because you are making the decisions (and the court isn’t).
  • Enable more discretion. Mediation is private; litigated divorce is public.

On the “con” side, divorce mediation might:

  • Lose time and cash. If settlements fail, you’ll need to start all over.
  • Be incomplete or unduly beneficial to one spouse. If the mediator is inexperienced or prejudiced towards your hubby, the outcome could be undesirable for you.
  • Lead to an unenforceable contract. A mediation agreement that’s uneven or inadequately drafted can be challenged.
  • Result in legal issues. Any concern of law will still need to be ruled upon by the court.
  • Fail to discover particular possessions. Given that all financial details is willingly disclosed and there is no subpoena of records, your other half might possibly conceal assets/income.
  • Enhance unhealthy habits patterns. If one partner is controling and the other is submissive, the final settlement might not be reasonable.
  • Fuel emotions. Mediation might increase negative habits of a partner with a propensity for physical/mental or drugs/alcohol abuse.

Couples often hear about the marvels of mediation and how it is reportedly a better, less contentious, less pricey and more “dignified” way to get a divorce. My most significant problem with mediation is that the sole role and goal of the arbitrator is to get the parties to come to a contract– any agreement! Unless both celebrations can be relatively sensible and amicable (and if they can be, why are they getting divorced???), I think that mediation is usually not a feasible choice for most ladies.

Collective Divorce

Put simply, collective divorce happens when a couple accepts exercise a divorce settlement without going to court.

Throughout a collaborative divorce both you and your husband will each hire an attorney who has been trained in the collaborative divorce process. The function of the attorneys in a collaborative divorce is rather various than in a traditional divorce. Each lawyer advises and assists their client in negotiating a settlement agreement. You will meet your attorney individually and you and your attorney will also meet with your hubby and his lawyer. The collaborative procedure might likewise include other neutral professionals such as a divorce monetary planner who will assist both of you overcome your monetary problems and a coach or therapist who can assist guide both of you through child custody and other emotionally charged concerns.

In the collaborative procedure, you, your partner and your respective attorneys all need to sign an arrangement that requires that both lawyers withdraw from the case if a settlement is not reached and/or if litigation is threatened. If this happens, both you and your other half need to start all over once again and find brand-new lawyers. Neither party can utilize the exact same lawyers once again!

Even if the collaborative process is successful, you will generally have to appear in family court so a judge can sign the arrangement. The legal procedure can be much quicker and less pricey than conventional litigation if the collective process works.

However, I have actually discovered that the collaborative technique frequently does not work well to settle divorces including complex financial circumstances or when there are substantial properties. In collaborative divorce, simply as in mediation, all financial info (earnings, assets and liabilities) is disclosed voluntarily. What’s more, numerous high net worth divorces include businesses and professional practices where it is relatively simple to hide properties and earnings.

… as a general rule, my suggestion is this:

Do NOT use any of these first 3 options– Do-It-Yourself Divorce, Mediation or Collaborative Divorce– if:

  • You think your other half is concealing assets/income.
  • Your hubby is domineering, and you have trouble speaking out or you’re afraid to voice your viewpoints.
  • There is a history or threat of domestic violence (physical and/or psychological) towards you and/or your children.
  • You or your spouse has a drug/alcohol dependency.

Litigated Divorce

The fourth divorce alternative is the most typical. Nowadays, the majority of separating couples pick the “conventional” design of litigated divorce.

Bear in mind, though, “prosecuted” does not suggest the divorce winds up in court. The large majority of all divorce cases (more than 95 percent) reach an out-of-court settlement contract. “Lawsuits” is a legal term significance ‘carrying out a claim.’

Why are suits a part of divorce? Because contrary to common belief, divorce generally does not include 2 individuals mutually agreeing to end their marriage. In 80 percent of cases, the choice to divorce is unilateral– one celebration wants the divorce and the other does not. That, by its very nature, develops an adversarial circumstance right from the start and often disqualifies mediation and collaborative divorce, since both techniques count on the full cooperation of both parties and the voluntary disclosure of all monetary details.

Plainly, if you are starting out with an adversarial and highly mentally charged scenario, the opportunities are extremely high that collaboration or mediation might fail. Why take the danger of going those routes when chances are they might fail, squandering your time and money?

The most essential and most difficult parts of any divorce are coming to a contract on child custody, department of assets and liabilities and spousal support payments (how much and for the length of time). You desire your lawyer to be an extremely proficient mediator, you do not want somebody who is overly combative, ready to battle over anything and whatever. An excessively controversial approach will not just prolong the pain and substantially increase your legal costs, it will also be mentally detrimental to everybody involved, particularly the children.

Remember: Most divorce lawyers (or a minimum of the ones I would advise) will always strive to come to a reasonable settlement with the other party. However if they can’t pertain to a reasonable settlement or if the other celebration is totally unreasonable then, regrettably, litigating, or threatening to do so, might be the only way to deal with these issues.

Up till that point both lawyers were “mediators,” attempting to get the parties to compromise and come to some affordable resolution. As soon as in court, the function of each lawyer changes.

And don’t forget, when you remain in court, it’s a judge who knows extremely little about you and your family that will make the final decisions about your kids, your residential or commercial property, your money and how you live your life. That’s a very big danger for both parties to take– and that’s likewise why the risk of litigating is typically such an excellent deterrent.

Here’s my last word of recommendations about divorce options: Weigh divorce choices carefully. The bottom line is that every family, and every divorce, is different. Undoubtedly, if you have the ability to deal with your hubby to make decisions and both of you are sincere and reasonable, then mediation or the collective approach might be best. If you have doubts, it is good to be prepared with “Strategy B” which would be the prosecuted divorce.

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